haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
