There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
