Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
