It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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