Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
