Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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