I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
