You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
