I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
