i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
