No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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