I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
