I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
