And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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