i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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