Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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