I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
