I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize