Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize