The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
