soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
