If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
