When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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