I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
