i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
