I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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