please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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