i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
