Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
