I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
