i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
