I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
