Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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