Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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