Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
