Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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