If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
