It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize