Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
