Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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