My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
