I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
