Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You took a bar mat shot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
