I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
