So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
