I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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