totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
