What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
