why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
