I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
