.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
