thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
