Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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