Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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