your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
