wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
