So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
