I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
