Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
