Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
