you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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