I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
