A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
