i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
