I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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