I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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