I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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