don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
